Doubts

Okay, so I know I have been posting a lot of blogs making it seem like a relationship with God is the easiest thing, and that's not the case at all.. Following God is easily the hardest thing that I have ever had to do.. I'm putting all my trust into something I can't see.. And almost everyone in the world would say that's one of the dumbest things you can do.. And there are times that I completely agree with the world. Some days I just sit and think about all that I'm giving up to follow a God I can't even prove is real but I have to trust my heart and his word... So with that my biggest struggle with God right now is believing he is a good God.. Which is a pretty big thing when you're having faith in a God that proclaims that's what is most important in a relationship with him..

I just can't wrap my head around the fact that a good God would create evil.. Before I thought it was so we could have free will. But when you think about it if we don't choose God then we will end up in hell.. So where's the free will in that? And am I suppose to feel bad that God sent his one and only son to forgive the sin that he created? To me it feels like we're just in this huge game and we're gods little toys.. With that, since we are always praying and waiting on Gods timing then what's the point in praying? If he's going to give it to us when he wants or show us when he wants then why pray..? Why continually beg a good God to do little things that he could do in a heart beat.. Like just heal every single one of my mosquito bites.. It makes absolutely no sense to me.. But I do know that these are things I'll never get to know until I'm in heaven.. And for now it's hard to be okay with it, but what other option do I have? I have lived without Christ and there is nothing worse than that life... It's a life where there is only depression and people looking for love in all the wrong places. This world is filled with people who are looking for only seconds of satisfaction and not thinking of the future, people who can't grasp the idea that it's going to be the same outcome if you make the same actions... I refuse to go back to a place of hopelessness where people have no clue what the true meaning of life or love is..

But as much as I'm struggling to believe that God is good I have faith that he will show me it. Because there is nothing more powerful than personal revelation. So instead of separating myself from God like most Christians do when they see that their relationship with God is hard or that they're not feeling his love, I'm going to pray that he shows me he's a good god. One of the biggest things I've learned since being here is the true meaning of love. We seem to think that love is a feeling but it's not.

It's something that we do.

Loving someone isn't going to be easy and the reason we have so many divorces these days is because the misunderstanding of what love is. So many people can't commit to anything because they aren't getting those feelings they got at the beginning and they didn't realize anything that's worth something you have to work for.. But the reason of this rant is to show you 3 things:

First, a relationship with God is hard just like any relationship, and it takes work.

Second, it's okay to have doubts and to ask questions! That's what we're suppose to do! If you're believing anything a Christian says then I don't know if you have your own relationship with God, and I'm really worried what your world view is like..

Third, understand the real meaning of commitment and love... Please.

Thank you for taking the time to read my rant!